Why Your Butt Hates Art

During the golden age of the science-fiction digest magazines, the late Frank Kelly Freas was arguably the greatest cover artist and interior illustrator of the genre (you can see plenty of his work, not only for SF, but for NASA, Mad magazine and others online). When I began reading the digests, it took me a little while to realize that one of the standout features of Kelly’s work was not the obvious science-fictional subject matter such as spaceships and futuristic weaponry, but everyday components of life.

Any good artist can render starships and aliens. What made Kelly’s work stand out to me was his attention to the little details of the future. Hair, for example. Human hairdos. The often glamorous women Kelly drew had thoughtfully imagined coiffures to match their future clothing. Some of those dos, like the aforementioned spaceships, had the ability to defy gravity. Nor did his people all look alike, a common failing of many of the SF illustrators of his time. I remember one cover for Analog magazine that featured a gorgeous woman who was completely albino down to her pure white hair, skin, and red eyes.

Kelly paid the same attention to the minor components of his illustrations as he did to his front-and-center humans and aliens. If there was a toothbrush in a Freas drawing illustrating a story set a few hundred years in the future, you can bet it would not look like the standard toothbrush of the 1950s. The same goes for a coffee maker or a telephone, a lawn mower or a decorative mirror. Or furniture. People sat in chairs, on couches and at desks whose designs complemented the future in which they lived.

Not paying attention to such particulars is something that has always bothered me about lazy SF illustration. When Kelly showed someone sitting in a chair, that chair invariably reflected a design sense deeply appreciative of the future being described in the story. Which makes me wonder.

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Why are we sitting on so much unimaginative junk? Why are we storing our stuff on shelving and in bookcases one step removed from shipping cartons?

I know Ikea is popular. The company’s reach and the size of their stores all point to its massive popularity. Certainly price is part of it. But you have to put a lot of the products together yourself, and the result is, to my mind, unworthy of the dollars expended.

(Side note: For the best Christmas song cum Ikea advertisement you’ll ever encounter, look up and listen to Nanowar of Steel’s “Valhallelujah.” The band would set up, unannounced, outside or within an Ikea store and just start playing until they were kicked out).

Then there is all this designer furniture that garners huge evaluations on PBS’s Antiques Roadshow. Chairs and tables valued at hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars that I’d be ashamed to donate to charity. Slabs of conjoined plastic and metal that even a tired cat would reject. Aesthetic sensibility is one thing, comforting your gluteus maximus quite something else. When I sit in a chair I want to be (radical as this may sound) comfortable. Relaxed. At ease with my drink and snack as I watch TV. Not preparing my lower body for a trip to the chiropractor.

It's not just older “designer” furniture. As someone who spends a good deal of time working at a computer, the first thing I want after a functioning machine is a comfortable chair. I’ve looked at and sat in a lot of office chairs, including that hysterical backless absurdity where you have to tuck your legs under the seat to keep from falling over, which seat additionally has no place to rest your arms. Might as well work while standing up — another fad that for some reason doesn’t seem especially popular.

It took me a while to understand that what I needed was not an office chair, but one designed for gaming. A high back to support your back, oftentimes a headrest to support your head and neck, good armrests: a chair designed both for comfort and functionality. Forget linear office furniture.

Then there are the chairs for the home. Does anyone really buy and sit in Ikea or similarly constructed chairs while watching TV? I want a chair that has a high enough back to support me, with a seat cushion I can sink into, and if a couch, one with thickly padded arms on which I can rest my head when I stretch out the length of the sofa.

I’m not against artistic furniture. In a store near San Francisco I once saw furniture fashioned of redwood burl and pieces. Hard wood, but loaded with thick, soft cushions. I suppose even Ikea furniture could be made comfortable if laden with a sufficiency of pads. But then why not just buy a comfortable chair or couch to start with?

Here's a starting point for you to consider when buying furniture. If your cat won’t sleep on the item you bought, you need to rethink the purchase.