More Human with AI

I recently had occasion to go into the revamped McDonald’s on Willow Creek Rd., the one near the homicidal intersection with Willow Lake Rd. (also known by its forthcoming movie title Death is Running a Yellow Light). I didn’t eat there. In fact, I couldn’t wait to get out.

I have no idea if this kind of interior revamp is company-wide or if those of us unfortunates in Prescott are among the first guinea pigs subject to the modifications. I will try to sum up my opinion of the changes as concisely as possible:

‍

It’s creepy.

‍

I have encountered more hospitable décor in — hospitals. If McDonald’s thinks families with kids, presumably still among its principal customer targets, will find this dark, spare interior inviting, then whoever approved it does not have kids. Or maybe they are secret child abusers and this is their way of satisfying their fetish without doing anything palpably illegal. Think of the new look as a hamburger gulag, where the intent is to swap out a bright, cheery, and halfway comfortable dining experience for one intended to get people to eat and leave as quickly as possible.

This is not a new notion in the fast-food business. I remember when the Wendy’s in Camp Verde went to similar furniture, though color and brightness was retained (perhaps their interior-design team experienced a collective pang of guilt). In addition to making the actual eating experience as uncomfortable as possible, such remodelings are also intended to make it faster and easier for staff to clean the dining area. No doubt this is a valid approach from the standpoint of efficiency, as nobody will want to linger in such gloomy enclosures any longer than necessary. Having apparently settled on this redesign, the least McDonald’s could have done was add some illuminated faux stalagmites or dancing firefly lights on wires, a la Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean restaurant, since the cave-like atmosphere is already there.

And if I may digress a moment from commercial interior design, I am sure those of you who patronize the location have noted that the refill-your-own soda and tea station is gone. In this, at least, I can sympathize with the company, since it doubtless got tired of people abusing the setup by filling large drink containers and such. But that doesn’t excuse the Ikea décor.

At some point prior to my fleeing, I found myself wondering whether AI had been involved in the redesign, or if it possibly had been entirely mapped out by an AI. I concluded that could not be the case. Given proper and full input, AI would have responded with seating and colors intended to enhance, not annihilate, the dining experience. Decent software would have provided a dining area suitable for human beings.

I mention this to point out that we need not fear AI if it is properly programmed to see to our needs, as opposed to those of overpaid corporate schlubs whose sole interest is the bottom line and their next promotion. It will be interesting to see what kind of feedback McDonald’s is getting in response to these changes. Meanwhile, there are plenty of other fast-food dining options offering halfway comfortable seats, where the sun has not been banished to the orbit of Jupiter.

Myself, I welcome our robot restaurant overlords. Even if, like Bender, their butts are steel, they are at least likely to recognize that ours are not, even if fast-food corporations feel otherwise. I do have a solution, however. Replace all the chairs in McDonald’s and other office suites with the same chairs they are now sticking in their super-efficient redesigned franchises. Let the execs who approved these changes put their behinds where their bottom lines are. For at least a year.

Might see some retrofitting.