10,000 Years of Vanity

I think it’s all because of our lack of fur. Homo sapiens is the only hairless ape. There are the Uakari of the western Amazon, but only their faces are bare. So that, in a nutshell (or maybe a tube, or bottle), could be that explains our obsession with makeup, hairstyling and the like.

Monkeys, orangutans, gorillas and all the rest of our cousins have demonstrated tool use. But they don’t use tools to put anything on their faces. They groom themselves and each other, but for reasons of hygiene, not appearance. Nothing would stop a chimp from decorating its face with ocher except that they have neither the inspiration nor reason to do so. All that fur provides its own facial embellishment.

I do wonder who was the first human to decide that smearing some reddish powder on their face, body, or in their hair enhanced their attractiveness to the opposite gender. Cutting hair, I can understand. That made sense for practical reasons because long hair can get in the way of hunting or cooking (take it from me — although I neither hunt nor cook). In watching Hollywood films of our ancestors, they all have longish hair. I doubt that was the case for very long. As we can see from their art, the early Egyptians got rid of it entirely. Not only for reasons of practicality, but of cleanliness as well. When you’re building a civilization along a river that annually floods, you’re already dealing with plenty of bugs and parasites. Keeping them off your head simply makes sense.

Yet as civilization developed and spread, so did the way humans handled their hair. Instead  of always shaving it or cutting it short (hello, Imperial Rome), sometimes it was braided, or curled, or colored. Well before that we started adding makeup and tattoos to our bodies. Initially for perceived attractiveness, soon as an addition to frighten our enemies (which were always other humans, not our simian cousins). Turns out that the absence of fur allowed for the addition of substitutes. You can color fur, but you can’t tattoo it.

And so over the centuries, hair and makeup styles and approaches continued to develop, reflecting changes that were never constant and remained ever malleable. Our current Secretary of “War” (actually, Defense), Pete Hegseth, doesn’t approve of facial hair. I’d like to put him in a conversation with most of the soldiers (both sides) from the Civil War. For that matter, most 19th-century soldiers. Or pick a relevant earlier century. 

He hates facial tattoos even more. As if decorating one’s face made the owner an inferior fighter. Time to introduce him to the Maori. Let’s put him in front of an All-Blacks haka. Or a few folks from ancient Africa. Or some Sikh fighters. Or what about soldiers wearing feathers on their head? Can you see that? Hegseth would hate it.

Pete, here’s a Zulu impi for you to insult.

It was as a teenager that I first found it amusing (and inexplicable) that white folks would lie out in the sun to make themselves darker and black folks would use lightening creams to make themselves paler. I doubt our early ancestors did that. It took ‘civilization’ to thrust such notions on people. I’m sure you’ve seen paintings of 17th- and 18th-century ladies with their faces swathed in white powder. Paleness was not just a beauty supplement, it was a sign of wealth. It meant you didn’t have to work outside in the sun.

Then there is the history of wigs (I’m sure there are many). Everything from powdered, for both men and women, to simple hair coverings, to today’s high-tech near invisible (when well-made) substitutes for missing cranial fur. Yes, we’re back to the hairless-ape syndrome again. Present-day stylings, at least, have recognized reality, and naturally bald or shaved heads are no longer sneered or smirked at, even when flaunted by women. The Maasai and Turkana of East Africa have shaved their heads for centuries (both for attractiveness and, again, hygiene). Now we have a plethora of young folk imitating tribal peoples’ ear treatments with the insertion of plain and decorative plugs. I expect to see lengthwise nose-piercings any day now. Painted and jeweled. Plenty of smaller nose-piercings already on view. Welcome to the traditional culture of — India.

We all share such accoutrements, we humans do. In north-central India there is an astonishing surviving temple complex called Khajuraho, whose structures are covered with  thousands of sculptures. While Khajuraho is most famous for its inventive depictions of erotica, many show people engaged in ordinary activities. One shows a woman applying eye shadow.

The sculptures at Khajuraho are a thousand years old. Egyptian paintings showing women applying henna are thousands of years older still.

What goes around comes around, especially when it comes to attracting or frightening our fellow humans. If you don’t believe me, note the size of the makeup department the next time you’re in a drug or discount store. Not a practical item on the shelves.

I will give a nod to shampoo, though. Creeks around here are generally too polluted for washing hair, and folk would look at you funny anyway.

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